Learning Vs. Frustration

Our daughter is right on the verge of walking (yay!) which means she's standing on her own, pulling herself up and pushing things around. She loves to grab certain things and push them around the house. Although sometimes she gets frustrated because she'll run into a wall or the couch and it stops her forward progress. She doesn't understand that she can't just keep pushing it right through the wall and she hasn't figured out that it's more effective to just turn around and go the other way.

So this morning she was pushing the laundry basket and was getting frustrated that she couldn't push it through the hallway because she wanted to push it through at an angle that didn't quite work. She kept getting stuck. Mom shifted the angle of the basket so that our daughter could push it through, but she insisted on pushing it HER way and the basket kept getting stuck. This lead to frustration and crying. Mom wanted to keep adjusting the basket until our daughter figured it out. I scooped up our daughter and comforted her so that she would stop crying (which, of course, she did).

Mommy's argument was that she needs to keep trying until she learns, even if she gets frustrated in the process. Daddy's argument was that there's value in teaching our daughter to take a break from something if it's getting too frustrating. This is something I've had to learn over the years: If you leave something alone and come back to it with fresh eyes, often you'll have a different perspective and it's more effective than trying to plow through something that's not working.

Anyone have any thoughts on this? Input is more than welcome...

Thanks!
-t.

Good Parenting

My baby and I went to our neighbor's house for some play time on Saturday night and I witnessed something amazing...

My neighbor's 5 year-old boy was upset because his 1 year-old sister broke a beautiful, dead monarch butterfly that he had found and kept in a little tin can.  The 5 year-old was clearly distraught, but didn't show it in the typical 5 year-old way (crying, screaming, hitting, throwing a tantrum, etc.).  Even though he was crying, he was still able to tell his dad that he was angry.  "Dad, I'm angry with her, she broke my butterfly!"

The dad first confessed that he had known about the broken monarch and apologized to his son for not telling him sooner.  Then the son said that he was mad at his dad, too.  Then he threw something.  The amazing part was that the dad explained calmly that it was OK for him to be angry and upset, but it wasn't OK to throw things.  The boy stomped out of the room angrily, only to return a couple of minutes later to apologize for throwing things.  The dad apologized again for not telling the son sooner about the butterfly and said he would do what he could to help him find another one.  He then told his son he was proud of him for being able to express his feelings so well.  The boy was able to cry it out in the safety of his dad's arms and get through it without having to stiffle his feelings and without having to feel shameful or guilty about his anger or how he expressed it.  He wasn't told to "suck it up" or that "big boys don't cry" or any of the other old-school cliches that many of us heard growing up that were designed to invalidate our feelings.

Wow.

I know it seems like I'm making this up, but it's true.  I hope I can remember this as I raise my own child and I hope my child feels safe enough to express her anger in a healthy, positive way.  And if she doesn't, I hope I'm able to set healthy boundaries with her when she acts inappropriately. 

Good parenting is in session, people, and it's inspiring.  Thanks neighbor!
-t.

Dirty Diapers

The latest episode of Two New Dads launched this morning: Dirty Diapers.  Check it out.  But don't get any on ya.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q29I0x9jI00

Crawling and Standing and Hugging, Oh My!

So I got a great Valentine's Day gift from my daughter this year: She started crawling!  And a few days later she was playing in her crib and standing up all by herself (supporting herself by grabbing onto the side, of course, but still...)  Huge milestones!  It seems that the milestones are coming fast and furious now and I'm just greatful that - even though I'm back at work semi-full-time - I've been there for all of them.  She's started voluntarily hugging me, too, which of course is the best feeling in the world.  One thing I wanted to address that I've been hearing from people re: crawling is that I'm now supposed to be all panicked and paranoid about having the house babyproofed.  My response to this is Yes and No.  Yes, of course we have to be careful about what she does now that she's tearing around on all-fours.  But, no, there's no reason to panic.  I feel like my wife and I have always been mindful of watching her, so it's not like we have to start doing anything drastically different.  We put plastic plugs in all of the electrical outlets which took all of 2 minutes.  We put a plastic latch on the cupboard with the dangerous chemicals which took all of 2 seconds.  And when the baby starts crawling toward the tangle of wires next to my computer, I throw some safe (unplugged) decoy wires down in front of her and she seems content to play with those for now.  No problem.  The one major concern I have is when she climbs up on our low window sill with the chipping white paint which she could easily mistake for food.  The solution: Watch her like a hawk when she climbs on it and when she claws at it, chipping at the paint, take all the little pieces away before she can put them in her mouth.  Not the best long-term solution of course, but for now it works.  So, we're just enjoying the milestones and the immense adorability of her little body waddling all over the place and not freaking out about creating the "perfect" babyproof environment for her to survive in.  xo -t.