A fellow dad communicated to me his insecurity over not being able to afford a present for his 1 year-old daughter's birthday. It was really weighing heavily on him and causing him to have a lot of negative feelings about himself and his value and worth as a parent.
So I was like, dude. Just put it on the credit card and pay it off later. It's the American way! Are you American or are you a pinko commie? Do you want your daughter to grow up in a world without American Girl crap? Do you want all the other 1 year-olds to point and laugh at her? Suck it up and charge it, buddy!
OK. Not really. But it's silly, right?
Kids don't give a crap about presents - especially 1 year-olds. They want your PRESENCE, not your PRESENTS. They want their parents to be there for them, not a bunch of crap to play with.
My experience so far is that kids can play with ANYTHING. I'd say that about 80% of the time I spend with my daughter consists of going outside and exploring. Watching squirrels. Picking up rocks. Climbing stairs. Chasing the cat. Last weekend we found a patch of dirt and gravel and she spent at least a half hour running back and forth on it, sticking her hands in it, digging, and rolling around in it. She couldn't have been happier.
She spends about 5% of our time together playing with "toys".
Her only expectation is that when she says "Papa up", I pick her up. And I'm always happy to oblige.
So don't worry about how much money you spend on your little ones. They don't really care as long as you're present with them.
And that's One To Grow On.
xo
-t.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
TiVO Is Ruining My Child
The DVR is an awesome invention. I love it. Since my daughter started watching TV she says "again again" when she likes something and I just rewind it and we watch it again...and again...and again. Until she finally stops saying "again", which means we watch everything that she likes about 10 times. Same with things we watch on YouTube.
(Side Note: When she first started talking, "again" sounded more like "'gin" - it was very cute.)
The flip side of the DVR is that it creates this alternate reality in their minds in which kids think that they can rewind ANYTHING and watch it again and again. (In fairness to her, I went through the same thing when I first got TiVO.) We heard a song on the radio that she liked and she, of course, said "again again" and I tried to explain to her that we couldn't listen to it again because it was on the radio. Not understanding, she got upset and I went into the mode of "Oh shit, I hope she likes the next song". Which, of course, she didn't and then I was stuck with "OK, how do I distract her with something else so that she's not focused on hearing that damn song 'again again'."
Same thing happened when we were outside and I pointed out a squirrel climbing a tree. She got all excited and watched the squirrel until it climbed the tree and went out of sight. "Again! Squirrel again!" Uh-oh. I told her: "Squirrel again? Squirrel went bye-bye. Say 'bye bye, squirrel'." She said "bye-bye squirrel" and we moved on.
Phew!
Damn you, TiVO. I love you and I hate you.
xo
-t.
(Side Note: When she first started talking, "again" sounded more like "'gin" - it was very cute.)
The flip side of the DVR is that it creates this alternate reality in their minds in which kids think that they can rewind ANYTHING and watch it again and again. (In fairness to her, I went through the same thing when I first got TiVO.) We heard a song on the radio that she liked and she, of course, said "again again" and I tried to explain to her that we couldn't listen to it again because it was on the radio. Not understanding, she got upset and I went into the mode of "Oh shit, I hope she likes the next song". Which, of course, she didn't and then I was stuck with "OK, how do I distract her with something else so that she's not focused on hearing that damn song 'again again'."
Same thing happened when we were outside and I pointed out a squirrel climbing a tree. She got all excited and watched the squirrel until it climbed the tree and went out of sight. "Again! Squirrel again!" Uh-oh. I told her: "Squirrel again? Squirrel went bye-bye. Say 'bye bye, squirrel'." She said "bye-bye squirrel" and we moved on.
Phew!
Damn you, TiVO. I love you and I hate you.
xo
-t.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Kitty-Cat
I just put my daughter to sleep (she's staying with me this weekend - yay!)
As some of you know, my daughter has forged a strong bond with her new best buddy from the apartment complex: Kitty-Cat. This is a beautiful and affectionate cat that has been abandoned by a former tenant and who has now adopted us as her own. To say my daughter loves her is an understatement. She chases the cat around, pets her and says "Kitty-cat, where are you?" when the cat isn't around. She even orders the cat around - "Come on, kitty-cat!" - and, to my surprise, the cat actually follows her. She even once tried to blow the cat's nose. I'm serious. I have video evidence.
I have to say, though, that the cat draws the line at doing "people things". My daughter was scooting butt-first down some concrete steps, saying "kaaaaa-boom!" at every bounce. Then she said "Papa do it?". So of course I did it. Then after I did it, my daughter said "Now Kitty-cat do it?". And...well...I'm sure you know how that ends. Kitty-cat did not butt-scoot down the steps.
I bring up the cat for 2 reasons:
1) Kitty-cat was sitting on my bed tonight and my daughter walked up to her, pet her fur and said "Hi Kitty-cat. I miss you." Yeah...Adorable...
2) I've recently discovered that Kitty-cat has fleas. Yeah...Bummer...What do I do? What's the safest cure for fleas? What isn't going to harm the cat or my daughter?
I wouldn't dream of separating the two of them, so the only other option is to nix the fleas.
Any suggestions? Anyone? Hello? (tap tap tap) Is this thing on...?
xo
-t.
As some of you know, my daughter has forged a strong bond with her new best buddy from the apartment complex: Kitty-Cat. This is a beautiful and affectionate cat that has been abandoned by a former tenant and who has now adopted us as her own. To say my daughter loves her is an understatement. She chases the cat around, pets her and says "Kitty-cat, where are you?" when the cat isn't around. She even orders the cat around - "Come on, kitty-cat!" - and, to my surprise, the cat actually follows her. She even once tried to blow the cat's nose. I'm serious. I have video evidence.
I have to say, though, that the cat draws the line at doing "people things". My daughter was scooting butt-first down some concrete steps, saying "kaaaaa-boom!" at every bounce. Then she said "Papa do it?". So of course I did it. Then after I did it, my daughter said "Now Kitty-cat do it?". And...well...I'm sure you know how that ends. Kitty-cat did not butt-scoot down the steps.
I bring up the cat for 2 reasons:
1) Kitty-cat was sitting on my bed tonight and my daughter walked up to her, pet her fur and said "Hi Kitty-cat. I miss you." Yeah...Adorable...
2) I've recently discovered that Kitty-cat has fleas. Yeah...Bummer...What do I do? What's the safest cure for fleas? What isn't going to harm the cat or my daughter?
I wouldn't dream of separating the two of them, so the only other option is to nix the fleas.
Any suggestions? Anyone? Hello? (tap tap tap) Is this thing on...?
xo
-t.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Divorce
From T:
OK, as the three of you who actually follow this blog may have noticed, I haven't been blogging for several months. The main reason for this is that I've been going through a divorce since June 2010. As difficult as that is to admit, it's the truth. I didn't want to share that for quite a while because it's been important for me to make this blog about fatherhood and not about divorce. But, as my com-padre Josh pointed out: Just because I'm going through a divorce doesn't mean I'm no longer a dad. I'm still very actively involved in my daughter's life and she remains the most important thing in my universe. The experience of fatherhood has changed, but the love I feel for my daughter hasn't changed.
Also, through this process I'm realizing that I'm not alone - MANY dad's are currently going through the same thing. And it sucks. And if I can somehow alleviate the sucky-ness for other new dads by sharing my experience - and giving them a platform to share THEIR experiences - then that's an important aspect of fatherhood, too.
So now that I've gotten that out of the way, I'll just say a couple of things about divorce in general and this particular divorce to clarify (without getting into the gory details):
1) She wanted the divorce. I didn't. Apparently she found another man that she felt was more suited to her needs. That's it. The rest is smoke-and-mirrors and lots of horse dung flung in both directions.
2) 70% of divorces are decided by the woman. Did you know that? I found that shocking until I started talking to other dads whose wives filed for divorce. I always had the misconception that it was usually the man. Or that it was usually the man's fault somehow.
3) It takes 2 to tango. I was VERY judgmental about people who divorced. I thought that on some level the couple hadn't tried hard enough. In some ways I still believe that to be true. But the fact is: If one of you doesn't want to be married to the other - for whatever reason - there's not a whole lot the other one can do. (Except for getting a good lawyer and some prescription drugs. I highly recommend both.) Marriage is hard work and it takes two people who are BOTH committed to doing the hard work in order to stay together.
OK, now that I got that out of the way, I can get back to blogging about what's REALLY important: the awesome business of being a dad!
Much love,
-t.
OK, as the three of you who actually follow this blog may have noticed, I haven't been blogging for several months. The main reason for this is that I've been going through a divorce since June 2010. As difficult as that is to admit, it's the truth. I didn't want to share that for quite a while because it's been important for me to make this blog about fatherhood and not about divorce. But, as my com-padre Josh pointed out: Just because I'm going through a divorce doesn't mean I'm no longer a dad. I'm still very actively involved in my daughter's life and she remains the most important thing in my universe. The experience of fatherhood has changed, but the love I feel for my daughter hasn't changed.
Also, through this process I'm realizing that I'm not alone - MANY dad's are currently going through the same thing. And it sucks. And if I can somehow alleviate the sucky-ness for other new dads by sharing my experience - and giving them a platform to share THEIR experiences - then that's an important aspect of fatherhood, too.
So now that I've gotten that out of the way, I'll just say a couple of things about divorce in general and this particular divorce to clarify (without getting into the gory details):
1) She wanted the divorce. I didn't. Apparently she found another man that she felt was more suited to her needs. That's it. The rest is smoke-and-mirrors and lots of horse dung flung in both directions.
2) 70% of divorces are decided by the woman. Did you know that? I found that shocking until I started talking to other dads whose wives filed for divorce. I always had the misconception that it was usually the man. Or that it was usually the man's fault somehow.
3) It takes 2 to tango. I was VERY judgmental about people who divorced. I thought that on some level the couple hadn't tried hard enough. In some ways I still believe that to be true. But the fact is: If one of you doesn't want to be married to the other - for whatever reason - there's not a whole lot the other one can do. (Except for getting a good lawyer and some prescription drugs. I highly recommend both.) Marriage is hard work and it takes two people who are BOTH committed to doing the hard work in order to stay together.
OK, now that I got that out of the way, I can get back to blogging about what's REALLY important: the awesome business of being a dad!
Much love,
-t.
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