Divorce

From T:

OK, as the three of you who actually follow this blog may have noticed, I haven't been blogging for several months. The main reason for this is that I've been going through a divorce since June 2010. As difficult as that is to admit, it's the truth. I didn't want to share that for quite a while because it's been important for me to make this blog about fatherhood and not about divorce. But, as my com-padre Josh pointed out: Just because I'm going through a divorce doesn't mean I'm no longer a dad. I'm still very actively involved in my daughter's life and she remains the most important thing in my universe. The experience of fatherhood has changed, but the love I feel for my daughter hasn't changed.

Also, through this process I'm realizing that I'm not alone - MANY dad's are currently going through the same thing. And it sucks. And if I can somehow alleviate the sucky-ness for other new dads by sharing my experience - and giving them a platform to share THEIR experiences - then that's an important aspect of fatherhood, too.

So now that I've gotten that out of the way, I'll just say a couple of things about divorce in general and this particular divorce to clarify (without getting into the gory details):

1) She wanted the divorce. I didn't. Apparently she found another man that she felt was more suited to her needs. That's it. The rest is smoke-and-mirrors and lots of horse dung flung in both directions.

2) 70% of divorces are decided by the woman. Did you know that? I found that shocking until I started talking to other dads whose wives filed for divorce. I always had the misconception that it was usually the man. Or that it was usually the man's fault somehow.

3) It takes 2 to tango. I was VERY judgmental about people who divorced. I thought that on some level the couple hadn't tried hard enough. In some ways I still believe that to be true. But the fact is: If one of you doesn't want to be married to the other - for whatever reason - there's not a whole lot the other one can do. (Except for getting a good lawyer and some prescription drugs. I highly recommend both.) Marriage is hard work and it takes two people who are BOTH committed to doing the hard work in order to stay together.

OK, now that I got that out of the way, I can get back to blogging about what's REALLY important: the awesome business of being a dad!

Much love,
-t.