Checking in and rambling...

It's tough going out and having a family member with the baby...I mean we need this free time and it was for our good friend's b-day. But we got home and my mom was saying the baby was fussy and crying (of course she made it sound much more dramatic) but my wife and I felt guilty. Now some other parents we know literally can put their kids in bed, and they go right to sleep, but really our baby dictates her own schedule and although I am cool with my wife's hippie style alternative loving approach, I sometimes wonder if a schedule would be better for the baby providing structure and such.  Yet in my heart of hearts, I also feel (and this is just for our situation, I really don't have a "judgement" on how other people operate)  that it could be a selfish just because it's inconvenient for us sometimes. When I get relaxed it feels right thus far, but as most of you know I am not a great sleeper since long before the baby, and now the baby is almost a year old and I am walking around in a haze, granted part of that is because I am out of work and the days bleed into each other and the nights blur just as much. SO here I am at 130am. watching the winter olympics, feeling like a cold is coming on, trying to gear up for a birthday party soon for a one year old (which by the way is not going to be all crazy a. because we just think thats a bit much, we aren't into that crazy material stuff, and b. because even if we were we can't afford the crazy stuff, like having homie the clown, cirque de souel, and a re-enactment of Andy Warhol's factory with Velvet Underground tribute band actors all in the background being sheik just for the guests, even if we could afford the crazy stuff I think it would still be a mellow affair that celebrates the joy and wonder of the baby not the joy and wonder of what guest may or may not think of the festivities. So you guessed it, cost-co pizza- some pop, and some cake, some balloons and friends and family... three hour time window, and wa la... My wife is much more of the social party planner, but we are trying to really be present and conscious now around special occasions, which is why when we married we both said okay lets go easy on the Valentines and all the trippy hallmark holidays, and be sure to celebrate their spirits as much as we can, not necessarily traditionally and on the days the corporations have designated...I am rambling, but I haven't written in a few days because I have been trying so hard to find work I forgot about just checking in and enjoying the process.

J