Good Parenting

My baby and I went to our neighbor's house for some play time on Saturday night and I witnessed something amazing...

My neighbor's 5 year-old boy was upset because his 1 year-old sister broke a beautiful, dead monarch butterfly that he had found and kept in a little tin can.  The 5 year-old was clearly distraught, but didn't show it in the typical 5 year-old way (crying, screaming, hitting, throwing a tantrum, etc.).  Even though he was crying, he was still able to tell his dad that he was angry.  "Dad, I'm angry with her, she broke my butterfly!"

The dad first confessed that he had known about the broken monarch and apologized to his son for not telling him sooner.  Then the son said that he was mad at his dad, too.  Then he threw something.  The amazing part was that the dad explained calmly that it was OK for him to be angry and upset, but it wasn't OK to throw things.  The boy stomped out of the room angrily, only to return a couple of minutes later to apologize for throwing things.  The dad apologized again for not telling the son sooner about the butterfly and said he would do what he could to help him find another one.  He then told his son he was proud of him for being able to express his feelings so well.  The boy was able to cry it out in the safety of his dad's arms and get through it without having to stiffle his feelings and without having to feel shameful or guilty about his anger or how he expressed it.  He wasn't told to "suck it up" or that "big boys don't cry" or any of the other old-school cliches that many of us heard growing up that were designed to invalidate our feelings.

Wow.

I know it seems like I'm making this up, but it's true.  I hope I can remember this as I raise my own child and I hope my child feels safe enough to express her anger in a healthy, positive way.  And if she doesn't, I hope I'm able to set healthy boundaries with her when she acts inappropriately. 

Good parenting is in session, people, and it's inspiring.  Thanks neighbor!
-t.